In spite of my well chronicled narcissistic masochism, I do spend some time doing quality thinking. And the 4-hr drive home back from Kuantan certainly provided me with that, culminating in this super long post.
And the thing that really got me thinking was the fact that I was already in final year of medical undergraduate studies. Things were certainly different than 7 years ago; every year was different. The theme last year was transition; the theme this year so far is consolidation.
Let me warn you in advance though, this post is shit-long; you might as well eat 3 pans of pizza while reading this.
Goals
Understanding the theme would explain a lot of the changes that occurred. After 3 years of contemplation, I finally got the planning and action. I decided to get fit again (or at least relatively). This meant many hours spent training. More hours spent reading and learning. A bit lest time planning. After spending a long time last year, I've finally transitioned myself into powerlifting training. Added here and there are (I try to according to my energy levels) conditioning work (better recovery potential) and strongman stuff (fills up stuff lacking in powerlifting style training).
Initially my goal was to reach 70 kg by my upcoming birthday. Then it was to reach 32 in waist. I finally decided to just get stronger and fitter cardiovascular-wise through training, while gradually reducing my body fat % via diet.
Due to this however, my daily diet itself was getting expensive to support myself. For example, my typical breakfast (1 roti telur, 2 soft-boiled eggs) costs RM4 ; lunch (at least 1/4 chicken, if possible 1/2, veggies) costs minimally RM5, and dinner (1/2 chicken at Giant) costs RM6. This doesn't include the petrol costs associated, nor the other foods I buy (potato crisps, milk) that I use for times when I feel too crappy (from a session too intense + too much dieting).
The time invested also came at other costs: I was asked to replace ullissesroc as the Mac packager for Wesnoth ad hoc during the 2nd half of 3rd year. This forced me to learn a shit ton of new things on my own. If before I was just packaging the game for my own needs, I was now required to support the game on other systems, none of which are the same. I was certainly a computer language illiterate, but I was willing to learn. I stayed frequently in the Wesnoth IRC dev rooms to discuss and ask q's. By final block of 3rd year, I was certainly in the groove just to learn more and more of programming, specifically C++ and Cocoa. Being the informed idiot, I did sacrifice my study time to read lot's of tutorials and practiced to learn. But it actually ate into what is probably the best thing about Wesnoth: playing the game, socializing with others.
I was initially able to cope, but soon the issue of new dependencies, and an inability to properly understand and write C++ came to bite me. Added with the responsibility of becoming MSC President, and working on my fitness by 4h year, I could no longer cope to support it.
Crappy Celcom connection certainly didn't help.
So from becoming a normal forum member to forum regular to packager to moderator, I'm now back to where I should have been all along; a normal forum regular who lurks and comments from time to time.
And being MSC President? That was a bit unexpected as I was really against staying, but pretty consistent with my life: I'll get political posts even when I don't want it. I was drained and uninterested.
Being president while not that into it was difficult, but more or less "natural". I was certainly able to at least organize meetings, and see and help the exco's do their job. It was different when compared to when I was MEDCY President.
In matrix I was more of a Steve Jobs like president; I knew exactly everything, and would give instructions appropriately. Meetings were as expected, very long. Now, meetings were still long, but more casual. I was more of a facilitator; I was more interested in seeing problems and helping to provide ideas to solve them. I was more interested in seeing activities that the exco's could handle independently. I'm very proud of them.
More quality over quantity, even though MEDCY programs were certainly of quality, and quantity-wise we did more in the '09 session than '08 session.
But I stand by my opinion; you can't "force" someone to stay in a political post. Even with me, there were effects from the lack of motivation. Now I tell every one who's active, "If you need a break, take it in 2nd/3rd year. You can always come back later, (and you'll actually come back better)."
Time
The way time was spent was certainly different last year compared to this year. 4th year was basically transitioning of filling up my time with new goals, with sacrifices along the way.
One of the biggest sacrifices was watching tv shows. Prior to this I was really into House and (not as much) Chuck. Another thing that I was really active in was playing games, whether it was Wesnoth, Medieval II: Total War (on Boot Camp) or Civ IV. After the end of the last block, Specialized Postings, I noticed retrospectively that I was spending less time with these, and throughout the elective posting done at Serdang it quickly transitioned to not spending any time at all with both of these activities.
With the starting of final year, the situation still hasn't changed yet. I've yet to watch a single episode of House despite having all episodes of season 5 with me. Similarly, I haven't played a game yet. However, I've started lurking again on the Wesnoth forums & MP servers, similar to how I transitioned from being a Wesnoth regular to no longer playing the game. Considering how time consuming a game of Wesnoth is, it's difficult to be playing a game in the near time.
A lot of the time now is being invested into either learning about fitness-related stuff (with my typical sports, comics, tech news, "real" news, training, and studies. Studies is further made complicated between self-study (including assignments) and group study. And not to forget, there's some added "MSC-related" work to do as well, including the AGD.
Consider that it takes about 1 1/2 hours at most for training, added with transport time; that adds up to about 2 hours at most. And it's not easy to consistently train before Maghrib, which leads to some 30-40% of my sessions so far done at night. At the current rate, studies usually start at the earliest 9 am, with some actually started at 10. All the while dealing the distraction that comes with the explosion of stuff to read at night, corresponding with the Western world morning.
It looks as though I'll need to start reading more in the weekends than before; much much more. And the approach-based learning I'm trying to use is helping a bit in studying, as it allows me to identify topics I haven't fully understood. Luckily I still have my previous notes made in 3rd year that I put into my belated iPod; employing the same template, all I needed to do was to consolidate the info there and add new information, specifically regarding management.
At the moment, I'm still coping a bit with the current schedule during pediatric posting. The moment I enter surgery next block, I'll have to really fix my scheduling. Better yet, how about I fix it, like, now.
And the group studies are still in 1st gear. Yet I'm quite happy with the current progress, as the amount learned in a single session is tremendous using the problem-based approach, with specific disease discussion sprinkled in. I think by next posting we should be able to start progressing full force. The main problem is that finding time to meet is difficult considering the schedules of people from different postings. Once a clear picture of everyone's schedule is obtained, finding the time to meet is actually going to be easier. Now my job is to get those schedules up as soon as possible for the moment.
Study Strategy
As mentioned above, my method this year will be heavily-based on problem-based approaches. This is consistent with the fact that the ability to form a diagnosis should already be strong by 5th year; the final year is more about understanding management than diagnosing patients (which should already have been mastered).
I might resume actally making notes; I stopped making them in 4th year (so I've basically no Ortho notes, much less Psychiatry notes). So far I've tried remaking notes, and found that it really slowed down my study speed. If I find that it's too difficult I might stop making notes and just focused on understanding by reading with mind-mapping in my mind only.
Along with this I plan to continue my tradition of studying based on past year questions. Unlike 3rd/4th year in which I focused heavily on studying based on them since early on in the posting, I'll now focus more on answering them beginning from the 6th week onwards.
I'll keep with my strategy of trying to obtain a safe pass in every posting. Despite the external pressure and internal pressure to actually try to give effort to study for distinction, I find that it's very much too difficult to do without sacrificing much more. Ever since the experience of O&G in 3rd year which still scarred me to this day, aiming for 52's in every single clinical exam since then has served me well. Despite my inner instinct to want to know more and more, I no longer try to know everything. In fact, my type A tendencies as regards to my approach to studies in the past have resulted in some severe stress that I feel liberated from nowadays.
You are either very lucky, very bright, or very very hardworking to get distinction in medical studies; SPM it ain't. Since I view studying and results as a hyperbolic curve, I feel that I'll keep "cruising" (if you can actually call it that) and go for the distinction if I see the opportunity. But definitely not for this posting though; I've started way too slow and know basically shit nothing in 4 weeks. Sigh.
Related to the above, I'll repeat it again: I've always viewed studying and most other things in life as a hyperbolic curve. There comes a time when increased effort does not necessarily brings greater gains. At that stage, you might as well divulge yourself in other activities, with the aim being to involve yourself in as many acitivities as possible with enough effort to gain, but without overextending yourself. I feel as though I'm at that junction before I get diminishing returns with my studies, almost there with training and nutrition wise. If I can become more efficient of my time, I might be able to do more or extra invest in my studies, as my body's already at it's physical and mental limit (sleeping in class sucks balls when it's unintentional).
Random
Another thing which got my mind going was Iwan. I'm not gay, mind you, but I was comparing him and me (I like observing people and comparing them with me, must be a narcissistic thing). Considering that (I think) both of us are the most prominent males in the batch, we are truly so much different to each other. This is despite the fact that both of us have been at the pinnacle of student politics. MEDCY president vs PRESS president. Angry batch leader (for a few months) vs the leader with poetic speech. The MSC long-timer (as long as he was a med student) vs the all but MSC (including SRC). The one who's not so outreaching vs the one who's always involved with a program. The one who's interested and serious in physical development vs the skinny bastard (joking here). The one with a bit more learning talent vs the one who is much more hardworking, much much more. The very rough and frank vs the soft-spoken and poetic, much kinder personality. The apolitical & practical vs the passionate and idealistic. But we both look stressed; I look old for my age, and Iwan looks like somebody trashed by thugs.
We are both very much different, and yet we've reached similar heights. I'm sure that most would easily recognize Iwan's experience (PRESS president, SRC exco of student development, batch leader, Faci Team). Most wouldn't recognize me other than being in MSC including the president who doesn't look presidential for the most part. Almost none could tell that I've gained experience in Wesnoth (whether it's the programming or the intellectual exchange aspect) or in terms of my new interest in fitness and nutrition, or of my bad-assery in Mac/IT (when compared to most students, not the Mac addicts).
I like the fact that we've achieved "similar" stuff but with much different personalities and approaches. I've always liked to live the "road not taken" life. Prepare to be trashed Iwan for working under me for the AGM.
Another person that got me thinking was Norliyana Mazli. I'm sure I can be just as successful as her academically if I put my mind into it. Unfortunately, I'm already at the limit of my talent level. To get any higher academically, I'll have to make some more sacrifices I'm not willing to. That might be pitiful or good depending on which side of the fence you're on.
Future Goals
As regards to studies, it's to pass safely (score in the theory papers, aim for 52's in every clinical exam). If there's a chance I feel like I know enough to push for distinction, I'll maybe push myself further to achieve it. But considering the harsh nature of medical studies, realistically hoping for miracles to happen is stupid. Just accept whatever ability to study you're given with. Hopefully if I grad I'll apply to work at Hospital Kajang, and work really hard to get myself fast-tracked into emergency medicine, the field I'm most interested in at the moment for 3 years straight.
As regards to fitness, I hope to slim myself further down to maybe 33's by the end of the year. I've gone from bursting my 35's to fitting nicely in 34 inch pants. More specifically, I want to achieve body fat % in the teens. More importantly though, I'd like to become stronger and fitter. As regards to strength, I hope to be able to raise my deadlift to 150 kg, bench press to 90 kg, squat to 120 kg and military press to at least 50 kg by the end of the year. I would like to keep my resting heart rate below 60 (I'm currently at 60 bpm). Being strong and fit has really helped me in my activities, and I'm loving it. As regards to methods, I'm sticking with my current training regime of focusing more on strength, sprinkle with conditioning work, and allowing minor diet adjustments to take care of fat loss without compromising strength gains. And who knows if I'm able to make a miracle and maintain my fitness throughout the HO years. I know I'll become skinnier then, but I want to keep my strength. That's the big challenge to solve in a year's time.
As regards to extra activities, I hope to be able to return to watching Wesnoth and House regularly again. How I do that is still a mystery for the moment. I want to keep my daily reading to how it is now: sports news, apple/tech news, real news, lots of fitness related articles. Lots of listening to podcasts (Economist, Fitcast, tech stuff, Bill Maher) is to be maintained.
Politically, I'm really disinterested in anything since entering 3rd year. Hopefully it's a full break from that, even though I'll be the Ex-Officio for the AGD for my batch.
Personally, I wish to finally get married, hopefully before pro. Hm...
Every year is different, if you look carefully, every year in your life is easily identified by themes. For me, 4th year is transition, 5th year is consolidation.
If you read all this, you deserve a Famous Amous soft cookie. Go buy it yourself.
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