Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sitting Toilets and Pea-Sized Brains

We Malaysians have got to be one of the most effingly stupid people on this planet.

Look, I understand that sitting toilets aren't the greatest gift to Southeast Asia. Sure, Westerners have the leg up in body size. But there's one thing we beat them hands down: hip mobility. Anyone from babies (well, toddlers if you want to nitpick) to grannies can squat ass to heels, on flat feet no less.


But ask any westerner to do this who is not an athlete, and he will end up falling back, standing on his head with his girlfriend's high heels stuck in the back of his neck (not a pleasing sight). Their hips are as stiff as a piece of wood. And sitting toilets promote this, by promoting sitting instead of squatting, which leads to inhibited glutes (hence needing high heels to achieve the nice butt look in their girls). Thus sitting toilets are a threat to our "athletic" advantage.

But but but this is not a reason to treat sitting toilets as squatting toilets. Stop squatting on the sitting rim, especially with your filthy shoes on, you morons! Sometimes I wish that the toilet would just break under your weight, with the ceramic acting as a knife to cut through your flesh, and if needed, bone. That might teach you a lesson. Learn to use the sitting toilet correctly. Cars and motorcycles achieve the same objectives, but do it in different manners, and thus are used differently with their own separate advantages and disadvantages. In the same line, don't treat different toilets in the same manner. And since we so love squatting toilets, keep at least 1 at your home so that we can keep using what we prefer.

The sitting toilet is staying here for a long while. Learn to live with it.

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