Experiencing Self-Doubt In a Relationship?

Love is interesting, involving a whole concoction of emotions, of which any mixture may be experienced at the same time, both positive and negative. The dynamics between a couple is extremely complex yet fluid, difficult to be understood, akin to that of the sun's surface with its sunspot cycles, molecular chemistry, and its thermodynamic physics. A successful relationship depends on trust and confidence.

Ups and downs are inevitable. At times within a relationship, one or both of the partners may experience problems concerning confidence. He/she may be feeling self-doubt as to whether he/she made the right choice, time to be involved in a relationship, or both. Reasons are numerous, including lack of fulfillment of expectations towards the partner, self-doubt regarding ability to fill the role as a partner, instability from true/untrue gossips, etc. Despite the availability of numerous causes, solving the main problem requires similar principles, with participation from both partners.

The one experiencing self-doubt must take the time and analyze: What is the reason I'm experiencing this feeling? Am I being utopian? Am I interested in another person? Is it just voices? If the problem is from within the person, then the involved person must make the effort to change such extreme mindsets/expectations. If the problem is from the dynamics of interaction between the 2 partners, then that person must talk to his/her partner and discuss that particular situation. Keep in mind however that compromises have to be made; each partner must be willing to accept limitations of the other. Be pragmatic. If the self-doubt emerged simply due to unsteadiness caused by gossips, it can help if he/she simply lets go of the frustration by discussing about it with his/her partner. A lot of the times, the self-doubt are simply from voices. Be patient, trust your heart, and ignore them. Talk to your  partner; reassurance by him/her will provide the confidence needed to solve the problem properly.

The partner also has an important and often understated role. He/she should attempt to discuss about the situation experienced by the partner. Sometimes all it takes is reassurance by the partner. Reassurance by the partner tells the person that he/she is being trusted. Trust is contagious; being trusted by the partner will certainly help him/her alleviate any feelings of self-doubt and trust him/herself. Confidence exuded by the partner will help him/her trust his/her heart in continuing in a positive relationship. If the partner has an idea on how to help solve the problem, he/she should bring it up to be discussed and implemented. This is especially true if the problem is caused by discontent regarding the current dynamics within the relationship. Whenever possible, the partner should attempt to ensure that his/her partner is comfortable about discussing the problem, allowing for openness. Try not to put pressure on the partner. The open nature of the discussions will help make a more conducive environment to search for solutions to a problem, by reducing conflict and confrontation. Sometimes a solution is not found immediately. Patience by the partner will help maintain the relationship in a working state while both try to find a solution to the problem. It's like having a car that's able to move slowly while being fixed; it's better than having a car that's completely stuck.

People should keep in mind that being in love is a very emotionally taxing experience. It is interesting to note (from Discover Magazine) that people extremely deep in love have brain activities similar to those of psychotic patients, with very high dopaminergic neurotransmission in certain areas of the brain. It is understandable to note that after a while, the brain will have to rest itself after weeks/months of intense emotional experiences. Adapt the relationship accordingly, slow down, become steady, recuperate, then continue. A love relationship, in my opinion, is akin to a transverse wave. A crash of the brain caused by improperly managed mental fatigue, in my opinion, may contribute to negative pessimistic feelings during the trough phases after uncontrolled crests. Do communicate. As the relationship evolves and becomes more mature, higher crests may be achieved without falling into deep troughs.

Hey, I'm not a love doctor, just giving my honest thoughts about the subject. Hope that some of you may find it useful, if not now, then in the future.

Feel free to comment.

P.S. This is my first original post on this site since changing from Friendster. My verdict so far: I like it.